Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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