addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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