i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
