did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
