when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
