the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
