I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
