I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
