Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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