Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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