I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
