You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
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I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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