i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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