I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
