Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
