the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
