why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
