I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
