Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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