the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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