The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
