we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
