I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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