I CAN MOONWALK!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
