my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
