Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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