Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
