You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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