one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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