He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
