And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
