I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
