the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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