I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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