Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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