so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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