If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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