I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
