Please, let me fuck your mom
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We left the knife in your bed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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