I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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