Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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