i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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