One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
