P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
