how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
