I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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