so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
