I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
