just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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