he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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