You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
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I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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