I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
