I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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