screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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