I bet he comes in French.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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