You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize