He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
