I will die if light touches me.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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