last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
