Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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