that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
