I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
