He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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