you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
