I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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