Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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