Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
