I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
