oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
