naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
