i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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