I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
